We all want to think that love is unconditional. If that was true, then there wouldn’t be failed relationships and divorce. We all need to be mindful of our actions that can harm our relationships. Oftentimes, we are not even aware of what these habits are and yet they are slowly but surely chipping away at the foundations.
Here are 10 habits that harm your relationship that you don’t even know about. Check and see if you’re guilty and correct them before they cause irreversible damage.
Sex is part of a couple’s intimacy. While it is not the only important part of a successful marriage, it is a very important factor. There are many couples who live in a sexless relationship, making love only once a month when they can. This can lead to many issues such as infidelity. Make some effort to improve your sex life. You may be tired or going through hormonal changes and you’re not in the mood, but some of the problem has to do with your attitude. Withholding sex can damage your intimacy.
Letting go of your appearance.
Once you feel secure in a relationship, you have a tendency to stop impressing your partner with your good looks. Many people will tell you that a deep relationship cares more about who you are inside. Sure, but your partner will still want to feel pleasure when they look at you. They want to be attracted to you just like in the old days when you were still dating. Take time to attract your partner by taking care of your appearance. A new hairdo, a good perfume –it doesn’t take much.
Being too critical.
Are you like a quality control manager who highlights your partner’s shortcomings at every opportunity? What you’re doing is chipping away at your partner’s self-confidence and you can bet that they resent you for that. Nobody likes a person who thinks they’re inadequate. Maybe you think this is a form of motivation, but you’re wrong.
Not being appreciative.
When was the last time you thanked your partner for the small thoughtful things they do for you every day? Maybe it has become normal for you and you’re used to it. Does that mean you should stop appreciating it too? Let your partner know that you see what they’re doing and that you’re grateful for their efforts to make you happy.
In a relationship, you see so clearly the mistakes made by your partner and you are quick to point the finger on him. Everyone makes mistakes. If it was unintentional and done with good intentions, the mistake can be downplayed. Your job involves helping your partner achieve emotional health, not turn them into people with low self-confidence. Instead of blaming, find a solution instead.
Asking for proof of love.
Do you sometimes test your partner and give ultimatums to make them prove how much they love you? It’s pretty childish and you’re just straining your relationship. Sometimes, when your love is new, testing the depth of your partner’s love may still be acceptable. But if it has become a habit, it will start annoying your partner. Don’t play games.
Constant doubting and jealousy.
Unless there’s a real reason why you’re having doubts and feeling jealous, the habit of showing jealousy and doubt can ruin trust in a relationship. Nobody wants to constantly be in the defensive. Don’t check on his every movement or read through his inbox and peek at his cellphone. What are you looking for? Not trusting your partner is a red flag that you need to address immediately. Are they having an affair or is it just you? If it’s just you, stop it before you do some damage. Trust is vital in a successful relationship.
Badmouthing family members.
Yes, his brother may be a creep and her sister a flirt, but really you shouldn’t keep bringing it up unless your partner themselves brought it up. Whatever the family’s faults are, they’re still family and you might be offending your partner. Getting along with in-laws make for a happier relationship and holiday get-togethers.
Expecting partners to guess what you’re feeling.
If something’s bothering you, sit down with your partner and talk it out. They can’t read your mind you know and it’s unfair to expect them to solve something if they don’t know what the problem is about! Knowing how to converse with a loved one and resolve issues is what makes relationships stand the test of time. You will encounter many problems in your life, if you can’t talk about it like two adults, it can be a big problem.
Whoever said that you should never ever lie, is not being realistic. Sometimes, we need to lie to protect feelings. Like when you tell your wife, “That casserole tastes great Honey!” – even if it doesn’t. But little white lies such as not telling your partner where you’ve been or who you’re with, can add up and ruin trust.
There’s many more not mentioned here. Just remember that love is not unconditional. You cannot just do whatever you want and expect your partner to continue loving you. People have dreams of what their relationships should be. They have spoken and unspoken expectations. Be the person who makes those dreams come true.
Your partner loves you. You have the power to make them happy or miserable. The choice is really up to you. It doesn’t happen automatically.