Love is considered to be the foundation of every relationship and marriage or commitment is no different. Getting into love is considered to be the most beautiful and fulfilling emotion that one can ever experience in his/her lifetime and this love is responsible for a number of relationships that one can see around. A relationshipgenerally starts with the initiation of two people who want to be together and who are ready to put in every effort to make it work. But unfortunately, most of the relationships today suffer from bitterness and have nothing left to be proud and happy about. Thus it is important for us to reconsider the basic concept and determinants of a fulfilling and happy relationship yet again.
The concept of a ‘Successful’ Relationship
A number of studies have been conducted by various relationshipexperts from time to time in order to determine the truth behind a perfect or what we call as a successful relationship and surprisingly each one seems to have different logic and reasons. Some believe that people who are opposites in nature make a great pair while others are of the opinion that it is the level of similarity among two people that make their relationship stronger. However according to new age psychologist Eli Finkel, it is the level of ‘self-expression’ in a relationshipthat truly determines how successful or unsuccessful the relationship is going to be. She believes that a partner may be satisfied by the current situation of his/her relationship but it is the desire and ability to express oneself in front of the other partner that’ll determine the success of a long term relationship.
Reasons why Self-Expression is important
We all have heard about the concept of ‘Maslow’s need hierarchy theory’ in which the scientist placed various needs under different levels of pyramids. Here, the lower level needs consist of food, water, shelter and sex while the higher order needs comprised of self-esteem and self-fulfillment needs. Finel in her theory has actually tried to co-relate the psychology of basic humans to the psychology of married couples. She believes that the success of a marriage or any long-term relationshipdepends on how well an individual is able to express himself in that relation. Self-fulfillment is not just about getting a suitable partner and owing a big house, it is about how an individual actually wants to lead his life, it is about the ambitions and goals that a person has on individual basis. A relationship that is able to grant freedom of expression and lets one pursue one’s dreams and goals is the one having potential of surviving the worst times and situations.
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Pattern and Reasons for un-fulfilled relationships
Today, one can find a number of statistics pointing towards the increasing rate of divorce in almost every society of the world. The epidemic of broken relationships and divorces is spreading like never before and there is a definite pattern that follows these cases.
The first thing to note down here in the statistics is that people belonging to the lower income bracket or lower strata of the society have an upper hand in such cases. The reason is simple; such people do not have plenty of time and resources to devote on self-fulfillment purposes. They don’t tend to spend any time on discussions and productive arguments as they are busy in earning bread and butter. All this leads to frustration and stress which ultimately poisons the entire relationship.
The second pattern that becomes evident from the statistics is the level of education among the partners of broken relationships. The cases of divorce are high among the people that are not educated while the educated people enjoy great pleasures in their relations. The reason for such pattern is that the educated lot can easily fulfill their basic needs and can thus aspire to attain higher order needs as stated in the Maslow’s theory. The uneducated ones on the other hand don’t have the capability to aim for the higher level needs and as a result they lose their individual happiness that tends to bitter their relationship.
No-matter what reason lies behind a broken marriage or relationship, going through such a situation can be extremely traumatic and stressful for the people involved. Thus a good amount of hard work, determination and sincerity needs to be put into the task of attaining a relationship that not just makes one happy but is also ‘self-fulfilling’.
Let’s get this relationship working
Every person involved in a relationship wants to make it work and thus the best way of making it work would require your complete attention and support. A relationship can be easily transformed into a self-expressive one but the responsibility of doing so lies completely on you. Most of the couples tend to spend their precious times on discussing worthless issues such colors of bedroom curtains, crockery designs and furniture of their house etc. which must be replaced by productive talks that focus on one’s needs and aspirations as an individual.
The best way of strengthening your relationshipin this new age world would be exploring the things that you as an individual actually aspire to attain. This could comprise of your morals, values, commitments, ambitions and dreams etc. and basically the things that make you what you are. Now your second step should comprise of doing the same activity with your partner. The most important thing about this step is that you first have to figure out the things about your partner on your own and then ask him/her about the same. This will determine what kind of individual your partner actually is and things will become clearer in front of you. However there can be situations where your partner doesn’t open up completely and you are left wondering about his/her nature, well then you need to exercise your third tool which is the tool of ‘communication’. Communication doesn’t here imply the regular talks that you have with your partner, instead we insist you to have an open and fearless communication with him/her so that things can be conveyed to them with much ease and your relationship could once again experience the warmth and strength that is needed by it.
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